Fire in My Heart
by JamesPotterROXmySOX
Summary: Lily Evans loves James Potter more than breathing. That's why she has to let him go. He loves her bestfriend.. doesn't he?
1. Introduction

I reached forward, a clear determined thought the only thing pushing me forward. I grasped Emma's hand firmly within my own, "don't worry Em. James'll be hear soon."

"But.. Lily.. he's out with that skank. I know he is."

"no Em, he's not. He's probably with Sirius."

"fantastic," Emma said dryly, "because Black is such an amazing influence."

I sighed and bit my lip thoughtfully. What could I say? No your boyfriend isn't off cheating because it's a full moon and Remus Lupin is a werewolf. Emma sniffled again and I rolled my eyes.  
>"It's simple Emma. You either trust him or you don't. James isn't the sort to cheat on a girl he's so obviously..." I choked out the next three words, "in love with."<p>

Emma's crystal blue eyes looked up at me with unshed tears. She sniffed and forced a weak smile onto her pretty face.

"thankyou lily. I don't know what i'd do without you."

"die.. probably." Emma rolled her eyes.

"No actually, you would." I assured her smiling face as she slapped my arm.

"thanks again lil. I think i'm going to go for a shower. Tell me when he gets here yeah?"

"ofcourse," I smiled and gave my bestmate a hug.

She was small. Very small actually. And very short. Her caramel brown hair, glossy and full of life, fell to her shoulders in little curls and when she walked they bounced around her face happily. With a final look of thanks she darted out of the common room. The only trace that she had ever been here was her lingering vanilla perfume hanging in the air.

I exhaled loudly and fell on the couch with a huff. James owed me one. That was so much harder than the last time I had to cover for them. I curled into a ball, the cold wind sending little goosebumps jumping all over my pale body. After snuggling into a huge red blanket that smelled suspiciously like a certain male I shared this dorm with, I stared out the window at the moon. It was bright and beautiful tonight. I shivered again but this time not from the cold. A sense of dread always spread over me on these nights. Four boys that I cared for dearly, one more than the others, was out there. How could that beautiful moon cause me so much worry once every month? How could sweet Remus Lupin ever turn into a monster? It was more unthinkable than James not playing quidditch. Than Sirius not eating three 'horses' every morning for breakfast. Than Peter liking Slytherins. It was quite simply, impossible. . .

and yet it was.

I sighed again and tried not to let the worry take over. And like every full moon night I fell asleep staring out the window and waiting for the creak of the wood. The sound of his feet sneaking back into the dorm.

I woke up in my own white covers in my room. I sighed and sat up grouchily. How did he always manage to move me without waking me? I tiptoed out the door and straight to his room.

"James?" I whispered hoarsely, my throat was scratchy from last night and felt sore from the cold. Slowly, I pushed the door open and found the man of my undying affection rubbing soothing cream onto his blue and purple ribs.  
>"James," I sighed worriedly and rushed forward, "are you alright?"<p>

He grinned down at me as I grabbed the jar of ointment from him and started to put it on myself.  
>"never better Freckles.. Enjoy your sleep downstairs last night?" His eyes were sparkling in amusement and I pushed a little harder on his rib. He winced.<p>

"oh hush, I was worried about you." I mutter, my cheeks turning pink, "How was it?"

"Fine," James shrugged. He turned to put on a shirt and I kept my gaze firmly away from his strong golden shoulders rippling with muscle. Or at least I tried too.  
>"it was one of the better nights," he assured me as he buttoned up his expensive black shirt.<p>

"Emma came over," I fold my arms and lean against the door.

"oh shit," he muttered, "Is she pissed at me?"

"No, I convinced her to 'trust' you," I rolled my eyes.

He sighed in relief and grabbed my shoulders. My heart took off a thousand miles a minute. Thudding against my chest so loud I was scared he could hear it. He lifted me like I weighed nearly nothing and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"thankyou Lily. I don't know what I'd do without her."

"yeah," I croaked and forced a smile, "Ofcourse. She's my bestfriend too Potter."

He grinned his cocky, self assured Potter grin and winked once before striding out the room in all his attention seeking glory.

The door slammed shut and I crumbled against the wall. My head buried in my hands. My heart shattering into thousands of pieces.


	2. closer than close

On cold winter days it wasn't unusual for Hogwarts ground's to be empty from the laughter and activities of students. Today was no exception. The trees leaves were thinning and falling to the dying grass. It had been raining the night before so the air was damp and cool clinging to exposed skin. Small patches of mud stuck out of the dry grass blades. The only spot of vibrant color came from underneath one tree. Two friends. Two best friends actually, had come outside to escape the stuffy atmosphere of the school.

Long since forgotten were their assignments, their books and parchment's set aside neatly because of the certain neat red head. Now Lily had her head nestled comfortably into James side and he sat propped against the tree, his one arm stretched back and bent to support his head. Both were covered with blankets that Lily's mother had knitted her a few summers ago.

People in the castle wouldn't notice them so far off and to most it wouldn't even occur possible that people were crazy enough to go outside in such miserable weather. The sky was gray and murky, almost scary looking.

"Puddlemere United or the Harpies?" Lily asked curiously.

"Holyhead Harpies? Are you kidding me Freckles? Even the Chudley Cannons are better than them!"

"Hah!" Lily snorted, "you're just saying that because their women!"

"i have nothing against female quidditch players. McKinnon plays on my team doesn't she?" James sniffed offended.

Lily rolled her eyes and fumbled along the ground for her discarded wand. When her thin fingers finally clasped the familiar wood she cast another warming charm around them.

She heard the rustling of the Bertie Botts every flavor jelly beans bag in his lap, then the very obvious loud and obnoxious chewing began quickly after.

Lily slapped his leg playfully and with a grin he relented and chewed with a closed mouth.

Resting on his strong body, she looked up through the branches and into the gray sky. She loved their afternoons like this. When it was just the two of them, talking about everything and yet nothing. She wouldn't trade these times for anything.

His golden hand obscured her vision as it came in front of her. A little brown jelly bean was pinched between his thumb and and index finger. Lily beamed up at him appreciatively and opened her mouth. The bean fall between her pink lips and melted into her mouth. She groaned. Caramel. Her favorite.

They sat quietly. Appreciating one another's silent company.

"So, who's hotter? Sarah Michelle or Gwen Avery?" Lily finally asked. James snorted, "can I pick neither."

"Nope," Lily popped her 'P' loudly and grinned up into his dazzling face.

"I really don't find them appealing at all."

This time it was Lily's turn to snort, rather unladylike James thought with amusement, "come on Potter. Don't lie to me. Every male in this damn school fantasizes about atleast one of them. Their like supermodels. Have you heard my theory about them having induced illegal Veela blood?"

James arched an eyebrow and with obvious effort kept from laughing at her serious face.

He sighed, "fine." A crease between his eyebrows marred the godlike beauty of his features as he thought. Finally, after a lot of impatient pokes in the side from a certain red head, he said, "Sarah's tits with Avery's legs and arse. But put a bag over both their heads and tape their mouths shut. I'd fuck that."

"JAMES!" Lily cried half mortified half hysterical. She writhed in giggles and he shrugged and ate more jelly beans.

"come on, don't girls do that?" he asked interested.

"what? Dismantle body parts and put them on other boys?" Lily asked incredulously and tried to get her giggles under control.

"Hmm, well I guess you've never done it then. Go on. Give it a go."

"WHAT? NO."

"not much of a Gryffinor are you?" James mocked. Lily sighed and sent him a whithering look, "oh shut up Potter. I'll do it. But not because of your silly Gryffindor bravery jibes. Those stopped working after third year."

His doubtful glance made her stick out her tongue childishly. James chuckled, the vibrations sending chills down Lily's spine.

She cleared her throat, "Diggory's bum and Longbottoms abs. Happy now?"

"Pretty much," James smirked, "glad I taught you something new today lils. Though I didn't think you had a problem with Diggory's abs considering how you watch him at quidditch practice."

Lily's face turned pink and she couldn't splutter out a good response.

"I never expected you too fancy Amos. Honestly, Freckles you could do better."

"That was ages ago," Lily mumbled.  
>"you were staring at him two days ago Lily." He stated factually.<p>

"I'm allowed to appreciate a blokes six pack," Lily snapped, "that doesn't mean I still fancy him."

"yeah? When did you stop liking him?" Hogwarts' golden boy inquired curiously. He sat up a little straighter.

Lily sat up and folded her arms around her legs. She propped her chin onto her knees and quirked her head to the side.

"a few months ago actually," Lily muttered, her cheeks reddening. Two weeks after Emma and him started dating.

"You never told me that," he said.

Lily rolled her eyes in exasperation, "why on earth would I tell you that James. I tell those sorts of things to Emma."

He laughed. A carefree husky laugh that sent even the most smart and level headed girls into a mindless fog.

"yeah I guess you're right. Sometimes I forget you aren't just one of the guys."

Lily forced a choked laugh past her lips, "yeah. Haha. Same. Sometimes I feel like asking you for a tampon." LIE, Lily's mind screamed.

"uggh, gross." James face transformed into a disgusted face that sent Lily laughing in stitches.

"sorry, sorry. Too much information."

"yeah, just a bit Freckles."

Lily shook her head with a large smile and leaned over to snatch a lemon flavored bean from the bag still safely perched in his lap. Her hair fell over her shoulder like a lava curtain. She popped the bean into her mouth and looked up when James twisted a lock of fiery hair around his finger. He stared at it. A mesmerized glaze covered his hazel eyes and he turned his finger every which way to see the different red colors in her hair. Lily giggled at his face and he looked down at her lazily.

"what are you doing?"

He shrugged and pulled her down so that her back was flush against his.

"Playing with your hair," he muttered. His hot breath whispered across her head. He gently massaged her head and combed her hair.

"it's really soft," he declared, "i need to borrow your conditioner."

Lily laughed and couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. James Potter, Womanizer and all around heartthrob of Hogwarts, Quidditch legend, the prankster, ego filled, billionaire was playing with her hair!

"Are you laughing at me?" he asked incredulously. His strong hands had no trouble flipping her over so that she was facing him. Her legs straddling his waist. The jelly beans fell to the floor, forgotten by the two teens.

"N-n-n-o," Lily spluttered through her laughter.

He grinned, "no one laughs at me Miss Evans. You should know that."

"I'm not, I'm not," she said quickly and tried scooting away from him. The dangerously mischievous glint of his eyes was scaring her, "I'm not James." She clamped her mouth shut, the edges of her lips twitching up.

"Oh I think you are, maybe I should teach you a listen Freckles."  
>"James," Lily warned and her large emerald eyes pleaded for mercy as his hands suddenly attacked her stomach.<p>

"NOOOOOO!" She screamed but it was pointless. She had to endure her punishment. So they rolled on the floor. His hands mercilessly attacked every part of her that he could find and she convulsed with uncontrollable laughter.

"st- stop!" Lily gasped and he finally ceased, collapsing next to her with huge guffaws of laughter. She rolled her eyes and took huge gulps of air to steady her frantically beating heart.. not to mention her lunges that so dearly needed oxygen.

"JAMES! POTTER!" she shrieked angrily and punched his arm. This only succeeded in making him laugh harder. Lily sighed and settled back into the ground. The grass was prickly and damp, altogether uncomfortable but Lily couldn't bring herself to mind when she was watching her love laugh and act so carefree. She considered herself a very privileged person to be able to see this side of him. Very few people did. Many wished they could.

James propped up on one elbow and twirled another lock of hair between his fingers.

"What is WITH you and my hair," Lily said, her voice laced with fake irritation that he ignored.

"i was just wondering..." he mused, "if I set your hair on fire, could we tell the difference?"

Lily gasped and slapped his hand away. She retracted from him as far as possible and stroked her hair protectively.

"You most certainly would see a difference!" Lily shouted, "for one I'd be screaming."

"Yeah? Wanna test that theory Evans?"

"You wouldn't..." Lily trailed off uncertainly.

"Just need my wand. It wouldn't even be dangerous Lil. It'd just be a charm. You know, to see how it would look."

Lily's face paled and she glanced at their bags a few feet away.

"Come on Freckles? Just a little experiment. Completely safe- HEY!" Lily bolted for their bags. She flung them around her shoulders and didn't pause to look behind her before she made a sprint for the castle.

"Stay away from me Potter!" she exclaimed shrilly. His loud laughter trailed after her. She looked back only once to see that he was easily keeping up. She huffed angrily. He was teasing her. Stupid quidditch practice. It didn't matter that she used every ounce of energy in her body to run, he was steadily behind her jogging.

She turned abruptly and he almost crashed into her small frame. She shoved the bag into his arms and snapped, "i hate you and I hate you're muscles."

"That's not a very nice thing to say Freckles, some people would get offended."

"Some people don't have a head the size of a quidditch pitch." Lily fired back at him before stomping off. Her breathe was coming hard from the exercise, some of the only exercise she'd done all week. She really should start running.

"you're not very fit Freckles. Sorry." James stated seriously. His long legs overtaking her strides easily so that he came to walk beside her.

"I am in perfect physical shape thank-you very much," Lily replied haughtily.

"You know sometimes you really do remind me of that prissy little book worm prude you used to be... oh wait! You still are!" James laughed goodnaturedly at his own joke.

"haha, hilarious James," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Aww come on Lil, I'm sorry." James grabbed her forearm and pulled her to a stop. There was no point in fighting him in physical strength. He was giving her his sad eyes. No point fighting those either.

His attractiveness really wasn't fair. People weren't supposed to look as good-looking as him.

Lily sighed and smiled, "don't you have a date with Emma tonight?"

"SHIT!" Lily folded her arms and bit back a smile that he'd forgotten. Instead she planted a disappointed look along her pretty face.

"You better get going then Potter."

He ran his hands through his hair, "she's going to be pissed."

"just say we had heads stuff that ran late," Lily shrugged.

James laughed, "aren't you supposed to be running to her and telling her every little bad thing I do."

"ha, lucky for you I don't or she'd have dumped your sorry arse ages ago."

"bye Lil."

"bye."

He turned and began the walk down the hall.

"James."

"yeah Lil?"  
>"You're like a bestfriend to me.. you know that right?"<br>James scratched the back of his neck with a worried face, "Uh.. well that's awkward cause you see I already have three bestmates Lily. Don't know if you've heard of us? The marauders.. pretty great group of blokes.."

"James.." Lily laughed.

"yeah, yeah. You're my bestfriend too, blah blah. Mushy girly stuff."

Lily smiled, "get outta here Potter before I have to fix more of your messes."

He grinned and then he was gone. Running down the hall in haste. He was already pretty late for his date.

Lily walked down the halls quietly. Her tiny feet made soft thuds on the ground. Images of the perfect afternoon flew before her eyes and then she was infront of the Gryffindor common room entrance. She didn't feel like going to the heads dorm just yet. The boy she was interested in finding would usually be found in a side room, dark corner or broom closet but tonight she hoped he was taking a break from his numerous girlfriends.

"Lily dear," the fatlady exclaimed happily, "how are you pretty girl?"

"wonderful thanks," Lily smiled up at her old friend. Once when she was in first year she'd forgotten the password and had to sit outside half the night until Proffesor Mconogall found her. The fatlady and her had bonded in those few hours so that Lily found herself calling her a friend.

"That Potter boy isn't causing you any trouble is he?" the fatlady asked.

"Oh no," Lily smiled, "these days I quite like his company."

"humf," she looked unconvinced, "well just you tell me if he is Lily dear. I'll sort him out for you."  
>"i will." Lily assured her, "fubblewish."<p>

"come visit me more dear. I told Dumbledore not to give you a new dorm. So selfish of him to take one of my favorite students," she shook her head and swung open to reveal the warm and inviting room Lily had spent her childhood in. She stepped onto the bright Gryffindor carpets. Just as she had hoped Sirius Black was indeed in the common room.

"YES! TAKE THAT REMUS!" Sirius bellowed. He jumped to his feet and proceeded to dance around the disgruntled werewolf-boy.

"lucky," Remus muttered.

"LUCK! Bah! I beat you!" Sirius mocked and fell back into his seat.

"hello boys," Lily greeted and sat her bum on Sirius's arm rest, "having fun?"

"Hey Lily," Remus smiled.  
>"Lily Bean!" Sirius exploded and she jumped, startled. A few of the younger students looked over curiously but the older kids, who more used to the marauders, continued on with whatever they were doing.<p>

"Did you and Jamsie have fun?" Sirius winked.  
>"uh-ha," Lily laughed and shoved his shoulder.<br>"and where is my bestmate now?" Sirius asked and looked around, "first he ditches us for some stupid red head," Lily rolled her eyes, "and now he's still not here?"

"Emma and him have a date."

"ughh," Sirius complained, "Emma this, Emma that. It's all he talks about. Blah blah blah. You'd think he had better taste."

"Padfoot," Remus growled in warning.

Lily felt like someone had shoved a hot piece of coal down her throat and it landed on her heart. He talked about Emma that much?

"Seriously Moony. He should go out with Lily, you two would be a perfect couple. At least than I wouldn't have to gag every time I looked at him with his girlfriend."

"That's because you and Lily are friends. Maybe if you made an effort with Emma you would like her. I know it would mean a lot to Prongs," Remus stated diplomatically.

Much too hysterical laughter burst from Lily and she gasped, "James! And Me! Haha, that's a laugh Sirius. Where do you come up with these things Black! Potter and I would NEVER work. Hahahaha."

"whatever," Sirius mumbled, "i still think you'd make a good match. I think I know my bestmate okay? And Emma isn't right for him."  
>Remus rolled his eyes and held up a deck of card, "would you like to play Lily?"<p>

Sweet Remus, always diffusing awkward situations.  
>"sure," Lily smiled softly but suddenly she didn't feel much like playing. She felt like crawling into a ball and going to sleep. Maybe in her dreams she could forget about him.. or better, maybe in her dreams she could actually have him.<p> 


	3. Quidditch Popcorn

**I do not own Harry Potter. All credit goes to J.K Rowling. **

**Enjoy :) xoxo**

"What about Ian?" I asked.

"Ian? Lily that is not a hot name. Ian's are nerds." Emma scoffed and gave me the 'are you really my bestfriend' look.

"Ians _are_ hot!" I persisted.

"nerds," Emma stated flatly. Her eyes lit up, "but Nathan. Now_ that_ is a hot name."

I rolled my eyes, "Puhleasse Em, every Nathan I've ever meet has been bottom of your shoe ugly."

Emma smirked, "alittle harsh there Lil."

I blushed, "oops."

"I like it when you're not such an angel. Reminds me that you're human," she tapped her hip against my upper leg. Damn, is she really that short? She's like a little pixie and I'm the giant. Emma stands at a cute 5"4 and I'm 5"9. Good thing most of the men at Hogwarts are wonderfully tall or I'd never get a date.

"well, I still think Nathan's a hot name," Emma declared.

"you are only saying that because of your fling with Nate last summer. Just because he's a beach hottie doesn't mean all Nate's are."

Emma grinned and said fondly, "oh Nate my lover how I enjoyed our time together."

I blushed, "You are unbelievable."

Emma leaned in to whisper in my ear, "some of us aren't patient enough to wait for the 'one.'"

To say my face went scarlet would be an understatement. I glared at her grinning face. Her perfect little pearl teeth mocked me and for a split second I felt the jealousy roar to life within my chest. She's so beautiful. I quickly suppressed the feeling, horrified. I loved Emma. She was my sister and these bouts of hatred terrified me.

She swayed her hips and bounced along next to me, carefree and happy, completely unaware of the battle raging with in me.

I cleared my throat, "so lets agree to disagree on Nate."

Emma's trilling laughter escaped her pink lips and she shrugged in defeat.

"What about James?" a nasally voice from directly behind us asked.

I have never been a patient person and Annabell Mason always managed to hit my buttons wrong. Just as I was about to turn and snap in irritation at the little eavesdropper, Emma said smugly, "yes, James is a VERY hot name."

I jumped, startled, when at least 15 girls walking behind us chorused, "definitely."

Emma and my eyes connected, amusement evident in both our faces. We laced our arms together and walked away faster, giggles shaking us.

The day was gorgeous for quidditch and the school was alive. Everyone was laughing and happy. The game against Hufflepuff was sure to be interesting and good fun. There was only the slightest hint of rivalry between the two houses today. If it were a Slytherin vs. Gryffindor game the air would be static with competition and hatred.

"And what is my lovely lady giggling about?" Sirius swaggered towards us. His hair was wind swept from the practice lap around the field. His leather uniform defined every broad muscle in his frame.

He flung an arm over my shoulder and Emma's pretty face contorted to disgust. I ignored her, stood a little on my toes, pecked his rough check affectionately and said, "hello handsome."

"where's my boyfriend?" Emma asked rudely. I wanted to reprimand her for her horrible behavior to a very dear friend of mine.

Sirius laughed, "he sent me to get you." my heart lurched painfully, "a little pre-game shag always works wonders for his playing." I elbowed him and Emma skipped away to the changing rooms. She gave one more hateful look to Sirius and snapped, "i hope you choke on the snitch."

"Tell him I say goodluck!" I shouted after her.

I rounded on Sirius and poked him viscously in the chest.

_**Ow! Damn. What the hell is this made of? Dragon scales? **_I pulled back my throbbing finger, practically screaming from his armor like uniform, but I ignored the pain and gazed intently at his shaggy unshaved face.

"You'll never get her to like you if you make remarks like that." I state plainly.

Sirius rolled his eyes, obviously he doesn't care much about what Emma thinks of him, "i should get going." He hugs me, lifting my thin body clear off the ground and crushing my lunges.

"Sirius," I gasp for breathe.

He drops me back to the lush green grass with a rueful grin. He ruffles my hair and I swat his hand away before he swaggers off again.

"You could atleast try Sirius!" I exclaim after his retreating back. "We are not done talking about this!"

I sighed and turned to the stands. A few girls who had seen the display of affection between Black and I glared at me. I gave them all the biggest brightest smile I could manage. _**Sour Bitches.**_

I scanned the crowd with a quick flick of my eyes.

A group of girl's charming their body's red and gold. Two boys chucking a bag of sweets back and forth over a younger boys head. Finally, I spotted them.

I skipped over to the stairs, suddenly in a merry mood. I wanted to enjoy today. I loved quidditch Saturdays and i'd be damned if James Potter took that away from me. He'd taken to much already.. without even knowing it. I swallowed painfully, pushing back the urge to cry.

_**Great**_, I thought grouchily, **_not a second ago I was happy and now I feel depressed again. He's turned me into a bipolar lunatic. _**

"Hey Petie, Rem," I smiled and sat daintily on my saved seat next to Remus. I cross my long legs that are currently in a pair of very comfortable running shorts.

"Lily, we've been waiting for you," Peter cried with a huge goofy grin. I beamed back at him. He really was so adorable and would always hold a special place in my heart.

"Em and I had to make a stop at the Kitchens before we came," I explained and pulled my small bag off my shoulder.

Remus' eyes sparkled amusedly, "did you bring me chocolate balls?"

"ofcourse I did," I smirked and dug around in the magically charmed back until I found Remus' chocolates. I popped one into my mouth, pure bliss making me groan.

"the houselfs deserve a prize," I declare and hand him the rest of the balls.

"i doubt they'd accept one," Remus said but agreed none the less.

"ohhh, maybe i'll make them one. A trophy or something." I said excitedly, a plan suddenly forming in my head.

"that's a brilliant idea Lily," Alice Prewitt pipes up from in front of us. She turns slightly and looks up at me with a smile. I smile back, "isn't it? They do deserve something. I think I'll bring it up with Dumbledore next heads meeting."

"you're always doing such nice things," Alice's voice was laced with admiration.

"thanks Aly, it's not anything really though."

"Just her crazy ideas," Emma's voice said from my right. I turned as she sat down next to me. She looked rumpled. Her lips swollen and hair frizzy.

"The match is starting!" Frank yelled excitedly and everyone turned to watch the pitch while the players theatrically flew out. I never understood the point of such dramatic entries. Just start playing for crying out loud.

Ofcourse the idiot that I'm inlove with lives for these types of things. James flies out last, to the most unbelievable screaming and roaring and clapping. It feels as if the whole stand is shaking. He flips around and twirls for his crowd. My heart doubles with love when I see his huge grinning face, his hair windswept.

The crowd's settle down a little when James and the Hufflepuff captain shake hands. He told me once that he dislocated Lucius Malfoy's finger when he shook it too hard. He had to get a healer to fix it before continuing with the game.

I roll my eyes with a little smile, quidditch players are very competitive.

I sit down and start to get comfortable for the upcoming game. I reach into my purse once again, my entire arm almost vanishing within it's folds. I pull out my tub of popcorn, my bertie bott's every flavor jelly beans, my chocolate frogs and chocolate chip cookies.

To most Gryffindor's this sight wasn't anything new. It was a well known fact that Lily Evans ate her body weight in food during quidditch games. It keeps me from biting my nails. James suggested it once after seeing my stubs, almost not there, nails once. He said eating something might help the nerves and keep my mouth busy.

"James Potter takes possession for the Gryffindors. He passes to Mckinnon, over to Black, Potter and that's the first score of the game. 10-0."

And so the game continued. I had my mouth stuffed nearly the entire time and screamed obscenely loud when James scored... every time. Peter and I high fived when Sirius made the next shot.

Frank wrapped his arm around Alice and my eyes darted down to their bodies, distracted. The love of her life. That's what Alice had called him during our sleepovers. And I saw that. I understood. A lot of people.. people meaning the older generation, might scoff and say we were clueless teenagers but we weren't. We were teenagers faced with the fact that war loomed ahead of us. That our lives were not our own, but bound to the acts of one psychopath. Our feelings were real. My love for James was fucking real. No one could ever tell me that it wasn't.

I sigh and mentally congratulate Alice. If one of us had to be happy I'm glad it was her. She was such a sweet thing. She needs Frank for the upcoming terrors of our lives. I would be okay, I was strong. But for now we try and forget. We try to ignore the disappearances and the empty seats in the class rooms by playing quidditch and drinking and doing shit crazy things.

James makes another shot and some guy behind me boos loudly.

"Potter sucks!"

I whip around angrily, "excuse me? This is the Gryffindor stands, maybe you should go over to the Slytherins."

The boy is considerably taller than me but I stand my ground when he sneers nastily, "what are you gonna do about it miss prissy Evans?"

It freaks me out how many people know my name. I guess it comes with being friends with the marauders. Remus notices our little spat and turns away from the game.  
>"Is everything alright Lil?"<p>

"This jackass was being rude," I cross my arms and glare up at the bully.

He scoffs, "You just think your better than the rest of us don't you Evans?"

"What?" I really am confused now.

"walking around with your nose in the air, only talking to 'them', flaunting your tight arse AND your good grades around."

"Oi!" Remus shouts angrily but he's drowned out when everyone starts screaming again, apparently Gryffindor scored again.

I grab my wand threateningly, "You have no right to talk to me like that."

"Apologize," Remus orders.

The bulky boy, who looks a bit thick honestly and he hasn't been blessed in the looks department, rolls his eyes, "Protecting your little girlfriend Lupin. You're just as bad as she is."

Emma pulls my arm desperately, "just leave it Lily, don't-" But it's to late, I explode with my red headed temper, "You don't even know us! Remus is the sweetest-" He kicks my popcorn and it flies forward and sprays all over Frank and Alice. He turns and marches for the stairs. I ball my fists up furiously and before anyone can stop me, jump on his back like a wild banshee. Now the whole stand is watching us, the game forgotten.

"My popcorn!" I screech furiously and smack his head with my palm. He spins around shouting in surprise. All my pent up sorrow and anger is released and I scream bloody murder. Emma's mouth falls open in shock and I think Peter starts laughing. The boy stumbles back and everyone freezes. Emma's shout reaches my ears in slow motion. My hand loses its grip on his neck and I fall back. With hot searing pain, my back smacks into the stairs and I tumble down them. White hot lights flash in front of my eyes and then the screaming starts- and not the good quidditch kind.

My heads cloudy and throbbing but I force my eyes open past the pain. I knew he would be there, he's always there. He smirks when he sees that I'm looking at him. He's leaning against the wall, still dressed in his quidditch uniform – god he's hot- and his hair is a crazy mess from the countless times he must have run his hands through it in worry.

"You're an idiot," he mutters and shakes his head, "you know that right?"

"I can see you're so relieved," I croak and try to sit up. I gasp when pain shoots up my spine and he's instantly next to me. One strong arm wraps around my waist and he gently, so gently, helps me into a sitting position. With the care of a mother, he puts two pillows up behind my back so that I can lean against them. I sigh and look up into his eyes, "thankyou."

He grunts and moves away. He ruffles his hair and looks at the ground, embarrassed. I grin, "Missing your own victory party Potter?"

"How do you know we won?" he arches an eyebrow and looks at me playfully.

"Ha! If you'd lost you'd be moping next to this bed and whining to me. Don't even pretend you wouldn't! I know you to well James Potter."

He smiles, "yeah, yeah, fine we won. But honestly, it was just Hufflepuff. I could fly circles around their entire team with my eyes closed."

I cluck my tongue, "always so confident. One of these days someones going to knock you off that high horse of yours James Potter."

"Speaking of, heard this whole thing started because some guy booed me."

I blush, "well someone had to defend your pretty face didn't they? Might as well be me."

He shakes his head but I can tell he's trying not to laugh.

"AND it wasn't just that!" I suddenly yell when I remember all the things that jerk did, "he was insulting me!" James frowns, "some bullshit about me not caring about other people! I care about other people..." I frown and continue before James can speak, "and he said the same thing about Remus! REMUS! Please, that boys as selfless as it comes. AND he kicked OVER MY POPCORN!"

James chuckles and takes my hand gently into his own. He rubs soothing circles into my soft skin until my breathing becomes normal again.

"Are you alright Lil?" he says softly and brushes some hair away from my face. His hand lingers a moment on my cheek before he pulls it away. His eyes bore into my face, sweeping over everything and it makes me distinctly aware of every imperfection.

"I'm fine," I squirm, "it was just a fall James. You fall off your broom all the time."

"I'm not talking about the fall... You've been acting.. strange lately." He shrugs and I smile softly. He has noticed. I cover his hand with my own, "not worried about me are you Potter?"

He laughs half-heartedly, "why would I be worried about you Freckles, your tough as rocks."

"Ofcourse I am," I say seriously and he smirks before looking at me more intently, "you can talk to me you know. I'm always here and it's not just me.. Emma's worried too and-" I yank my hands out of his calloused warm one.

"Stop being worried," I snap and he looks taken aback by the sudden venom in my voice, "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong."

He doesn't look convinced but I can tell he isn't going to pursue the topic any further.

We're quiet.

"I'll get you some more popcorn yeah?"

"Merlin, you're amazing." I beam up at him. . . and I try to forget that Emma and James have been noticing the weirdness that I have with such effort been trying to hide from them. How much longer can I go on like this?

**Review?;) **


	4. Meet Marlene

I do not own Harry Potter. All credit goes to J.K. Rowling.

Sorry for the long wait, but I'm back! Enjoy:) xoxo

In typical James fashion, he looked a put together mess. His hair stuck up in every which way and his clothes were rumpled in a manner that suggested he had just rolled out of bed wearing them. He probably had. Students surrounded him, drawn to his charismatic nature. Emma was tucked under his arm, his perfect beautiful girlfriend. He threw his head back and laughed at something someone had said, probably Sirius. I turned away from the scene and drank three fire whiskey shots in succession.

"wow, I didn't know you drink Evans."

I was startled and looked over to the person who had spoken, Marlene McKinnon. Marlene was in the same year as me, but she had never gotten along with Emma or I. Marlene was a rule breaker and played with boys hearts. She was a tall golden vixen adorned with blonde curls and wide fuck me blue eyes. Currently, her slender body was draped over the common room couch. She had a bottle of Firewhiskey in her hand that she took a long drink from. She looked up at me with interest. I dropped down next to her and took the bottle from her hands. I took a long drink of my own. Her eyebrow rose in amusement. It was perfectly plucked and manicured. I stared at it longer than necessary and said, "you have perfect eyebrows." Her other eyebrow followed up and her whole face lit up with a smile, "are you drunk Evans?"

"No," I snapped and had another sip from the bottle, "I'm not a light weight thank you very much McKinnon. I know you think you know me, but you don't."

She shrugged, "Didn't mean to offend you Evans. I was just surprised is all. Frankly, I didn't know you had it in you."

I gave her an annoyed look and she simply smirked, probably amused by the whole situation.

"You know..." I mussed, "this is probably the first conversation we've ever had outside of class."

Marlene looked over to the game of Fire whiskey Pong that some of the Gryffindor's had decided to start. They were guffawing loudly and stumbling about. She was still watching them when she said, "yeah I guess you're right."

"What fucking idiots," I muttered distractedly as Amos Diggory, who honestly shouldn't even be in our common room, tripped over his own feet and groped Bella Marie... She gasped and then started giggling. She grabbed Amos by the collar and dragged him to a corner, presumably to do things i didn't really want to think about.

Marlene laughed and looked at me with curious eyes, "what is the matter with you Evans? I never thought I'd see the day Angel Evans cussed, drank straight fire whiskey and talked badly about other students."

I laughed and looked at her strangely, "You have a really warped view of me you know that? First, I cuss all the time, just not in class or around teachers. Second, I drink- I'm friends with the marauders for crying out loud, of course I drink. And last, well.. I'm not perfect McKinnon. My life's fucked up okay?"

"Hmmm," She blinked and took the fire whiskey bottle from me and drank some, "Okay, but I'm not an idiot Evans. You're upset about something."

"Yes, well that's my business. What about you? Why are you sitting by yourself during a party?"

"I'm not sitting by myself. I'm with you," she smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Why aren't you with your other half?" Marlene asked and I replied with a guarded expression, "Emma's with James."

Marlene's eyes sparked, "Actually.. I was talking about Potter."

"James?" I asked incredulously.

"yeah, you two are practically attached at the hip these days."

I was quiet for a moment before acknowledging what she said as the truth, "we're busy with heads stuff a lot."

Marlene rolled her eyes, "don't give me that bullshit. I've gone to this school same amount of years as you Evans. None of the other head boys and girls spent all their time together and none of them were James Potter and Lily Evans. You two are like some sort of weird legend."

I snorted, "we are not."

"You hated each other for four years, your fights were legendary. I particularly enjoyed them, they were quite amusing. Then, something happened in fifth year and you didn't fight anymore. Slowly, I watched the absolute impossible happen. You and Potter. It was crazy to watch really. The way you both thrive in each others presence."

I felt tears prick my eyes and I hastily tried to stop myself from crying like an idiot.

"He lights up when you talk to him you know Lily," i think it was the first time I had heard her address me with my first name and it was the first time she sounded sincere and even... sympathetic? "When you come into a room he changes somehow, becomes even more... James."

"I don't know why you're telling me this," I bight out unhappily, "this is none of your business and he's dating my best friend if you haven't noticed."

"I never said he noticed it," she paused at my confused look, "the change i mean, the change in himself. I suspect he won't realize it for sometime."

"You're even more fucking mental than I thought you were Marlene McKinnon. Now can we stop talking about Potter and drink?"

She chuckled and finished the last bit of fire whiskey in the bottle, "you reckon we'll talk at all after tonight?"

"No probably not," I laughed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw James and Emma kissing lovingly. His hands played with the hem of her shirt, itching to take it off. He grabbed her hand and headed towards the exit quite suddenly. Sirius yelled unhappily about him leaving the party early, but James only flicked him off and proceeded to drag a giggling Emma out of the common room. There was no way I was going back to the heads dorms tonight.

A cute boy walked past the couch we were sitting on. He looked like he might be in fifth year. I called out to him and Marlene looked at me questioningly. "Get us a couple of bottles would you?" I asked and batted my eyes at him. He looked dazed for a moment, looking back and forth from me and then Marlene. " 'course," he croaked out and scurried off to get us alcohol.

Marlene laughed happily. We were both already tipsy and it wouldn't take much more to set me over the edge. "Want to get completely and utterly smashed with me McKinnon? It's a once in a life time opportunity."

Even though her eyes were dazed, they sparkled in anticipation, "hell yes."

The next morning, I woke as one would expect a person who had gotten completely drunk the night before would wake up. Sprawled half naked on the floor, my face smashed into the carpet and my legs awkwardly draped over Marlene, who was shirtless and her hair was a in a state. It looked like a big blonde tumbleweed on her head. Her make-up was smeared all over her tan face. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips, but I immediately regretted it as my head burst into flames. The headache was unbearable and I instantly wanted some of James' pepper up stash. Marlene groaned when I stood. She rubbed her face, only making her mascara and red lip gloss smear even more. she looked up at me and squinted. She tried to grin, but it came out as more of a cringe, "fun night Lily. We'll have to do it again sometime."

"Yeah," I muttered, surprised that I actually meant it, "I'm gonna head out." I hiked my thumb over my shoulder at the door, while grabbing my skirt and shoes and shirt from the floor. I hastily jammed my body parts back into my clothing.

"See you later?" I asked unsure.

Marlene was quiet for a moment and rubbed her temples soothingly, "yeah. See you later."

"Shut up!" a voice grumbled. Her head was stuffed under a pillow and I didn't stick around to see who it was. Downstairs was a huge mess and I half wanted to pull out my wand and do a quick clean up, but my head was pounding and I felt like throwing up, so I headed back to my room instead. I was scared to go into our dorm and find Emma laying on the couch, or eating James and my cookie and sweets stash. I knew it was horrible and I knew it was wrong, but that was our place, and I hated it when she invaded it. I could never say anything against it, so usually, I just bit my tongue and went to my room. Lately, I resented Emma more and more. I hated it when she got good grades. I hated her laugh. I hated her cutesy clothes and her perky attitude. I couldn't even talk to her without something annoying me about her. We had been best friends since first year and it startled me how easily i destroyed that.. over a boy. She noticed. I know she did. No more late night sleepovers or sneaking out to Hogsmeade. No more giggling about boys. Not as much as we used to. I tried, but I usually only ended up being irritable and grumpy. She doesn't know why, or at least I think and hope she doesn't know why. James and her left the party early last night and no doubt had hot girlfriend boyfriend sex in his room. I cringed and steeled myself to see Emma in our common room. My head was pounding so viciously by the time I made it to the entrance that I almost couldn't remember the password. Somehow I did and slipped into the room as quietly as I could.

"Hey Lil, I was wondering where you wer-" James voice trailed off as he saw me. His mouth hung slightly open and I looked at him strangely. What on earth was he gawking at? I looked down at myself and flushed immediately. My shirt was skew and pulled down far enough to give him a good view of one of my breasts and the pale blue lace bra that covered it. My skirt, in my haste while putting it on, was much too high and revealed too much of my thighs. I quickly straightened myself out. James cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair.

"You were at the party last night?"

"Yes," I snapped. He hadn't even known I was there? How wonderful.

His eyes scanned my disheveled hair and swollen lips and I watched them darken considerably, "what the hell were you doing?" I don't know if he noticed he had yelled, but by the look on his face he probably didn't care at this moment.

I scowled, "what business of that is yours?"

"You're my mate... and well, someone could have taken advantage of you."

I scoffed, "nothing happened against my will James."

He rolled his eyes, "well you shouldn't be acting like a whore either Lily!"

Fury bubbled in my stomach and my head ache stabbed me right between the eyes repeatedly. "How dare you say that to me! I'm not some skank!"

"Well.." he was fumbling over his words and flailing his arms around like a frightened fish, "well.. look at you. You look like you were just fucked."

"So what if I was!" I shot back and his eyes widened, "I'm a GIRL James! I like fucking. You are not my brother or my father or even my boyfriend and you can not be angry at me for shagging a bloke!"

"Wait?" He looked suddenly pale, "you shagged someone last night?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" I exploded angrily, "but that's not the point! I could if I wanted too!"

"What on earth are you two shouting about?" Emma's sweet voice trailed down to us and I looked up the stairs towards James' room. She stood by his door, wearing one of his expensive collared shirts. It ended on her naked thigh and gave a nice view of her legs. I looked at James in disgust, "don't lecture me about sex James." I stormed past him and up the stairs towards my room.

"Lily!" Emma called in a distressed voice, but I ignored her. I slammed my door and dropped onto my bed, trying to ignore the headache that had just gotten worse.


	5. Lovely Lily

I do not own Harry Potter.

Review?(:

Most people didn't know Lily Evans. They saw her as a beautiful girl who obtained amazing grades and was only friends with a select few. She was kind to everyone and saw the goodness in people. She always smiled and looked put together, like nothing or no one could rumple her. She was an idea, the idea of a perfect girl. The young girls in Hogwarts idolized her and the rest wanted to be her. Lily wasn't aware of this, ofcourse. She acted the way she thought she should, not for anyone else but herself and she always found faults in herself that no one else could have thought possible of perfect Lily Evans. That's why it was unsurprising when Lily looked perfect Friday morning. Her clothes were unwrinkled, her tie perfectly tied, her hair was in a sleek pony tale held by a red bow, her head girl badge was polished and gleaming proudly and her skirt sat at the exact uniform regulated amount from her knees.

The great hall was already full of children when Lily came down breakfast. Emma was next to her, clutching her books against her chest and humming a soft tune that she had stuck in her head.

Lily sighed and gave her friend an amused look, "that song is going to get stuck in MY head now Em!"

Emma only laughed before continuing to hum, Lily thought a bit louder than previously. Lily walked straight to the end of the Gryffindor table, where she had been sitting the entire week. Emma followed behind her loyally, but cast longing looks towards James, who was at his usual seat at the table, surrounded by Peter, Remus and Sirius. There were two empty seats, one next to Remus and the other James. Lily sat, determined not to looked at the marauders, despite Sirius' calls of "Evans! Sit here! COME ON! This is ridiculous!" Emma made a grunt of agreement and Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance. It figured that the one time SIrius and Emma would agree on something, it would be on something she didn't agree with.

"You can go sit with James Em," Lily said, "I won't mind."

Emma chuckled, "I've been dating James for a 3 months Lily, you've been my bestfriend for 7 years. I think you win out."

Lily laughed and put some eggs on her plate. She tried to ignore the guilty knot that had settled into her stomach from Emma's words. She wondered what Emma would say if she knew the dreams she had at night. How would she react if she knew the desires Lily had? Lily sighed grumpily and shoveled a huge spoon of eggs into her mouth. She shouldn't even have these ridiculous feelings. If she cared for Emma at all she would have squelched the spark in the beginning, but now the spark had grown to a fire. A huge raging fierce fire that she had no idea how to destroy or control. That wasn't her biggest issue at the moment. James had been avoiding her and she had, subsequently, been avoiding him. If he wouldn't apologize for his hurtful remarks, she wasn't interested in seeing or speaking to him. It hurt, more than she wanted to admit, not talking to him. It hurt even more, because she felt, deep down, that he was justified in his anger towards her. She had gotten drunk and took her clothes off infront of numerous boys. Nothing had happened, but even that was unusual for her and she felt dirty. She didn't even remember who played strip poker with her aside from Marlene, so essentially, a bunch of blokes, she didn't know who, had seen her in her knickers.

"Could you please go apologize to him?" Emma asked, "He's honestly unbearable when he's upset with you. He's moody and distracted."

Lily snorted and glared towards the marauders table. Peter cowered under her gaze and quickly looked away, but James was busy talking to Sirius in hushed whispers. He looked aggravated. She wondered what they were arguing about, before realizing she shouldn't care and looking back to Emma.

"He should be apologizing to me! Don't take his side Emma. You two shag like hippogriffs everywhere and what? I'm not allowed to do anything remotely interesting with a bloke? Did you know that him and Sirius both scared Ralph Renwick from asking me out?"

"What!"

Lily was satisfied by the startled look on Emma's face, meaning she did not know anything about their little scare tactics.

"And apparently he's not the first one! No wonder I never have a date to Hogsmeade! They scare the shit out of anyone who even looks at me!"

"Are you sure Lil?" Emma looked skeptical.

"Oh I'm sure. Marlene told me last night and -"

"Hold on - since when do you hang out with McKinnon? We don't like her remember?"

"Since you spend your afternoons with Potter... and Emma I don't know why we don't like her. I can't even remember why and to be honest, she's a load of fun."

Emma suddenly looked furious and she dropped her fork. It clattered against her plate.

"Em?" Lily asked curiously.

"If you don't remember why I don't like Marlene McKinnon then maybe I _should_ be sitting with James," she stood roughly, grabbed her bag and marched towards James. He watched her come with a question in his eyes. His eyes flicked towards Lily for a second.

Lily sat in stunned silence for a couple of moments. She looked around herself, feeling alone and awkward. She finished her pumpkin juice, stood slowly, gathered her things and walked out of the great hall.. alone.

The Potions class room had none aside from Slughorn inside.

"Good morning Professor," Lily greeted her potions teacher kindly. She'd always appreciated Slughorn's acknowledgement of her skills. He didn't discriminate against her because she was a muggle-born.

"Miss Evans!" He exclaimed, just as enthusiastic as he always greeted her, "good morning dear. A bit early aren't you? Where is Mr. Potter?" He looked around her as if James would miraculously appear. Lily hadn't realized, up until this week, that James and her were so often together.

"James and I had a bit of a ... disagreement Professor."

Slughorn frowned, "well I hope you sort it out. It isn't a time to be fighting with friends Lily, not in the world we live in. Save your energy dear girl. You'll need it." He patted her back supportively and walked back to a cauldron on his desk. Blue fumes were spiraling up from inside and Lily felt her interest spike. "Is that Muffling draught professor?"

"hmm? Oh yes, it is. Nice catch my dear. Come help me with the finishing touches won't you. I could always use a professionals help." His eyes twinkled and Lily smirked, he was a crazy old man but she couldn't deny the affection she held for him.

The next day brought Saturday. James and Emma sat on the couch in the heads common room.

James couldn't remember the last time he'd gone so long without talking to Lily. Even when they were fighting they usually didn't go more than an hour without screaming at one another. This time was different. All he was getting was silence. He was staring at his potions essay without really seeing it, deep in thought. Emma was saying something, but her voice was muffled to his ears.

"James?" Emma's voice was soft and gentle, just like everything about her.

He looked over at her concerned face, "sorry, what did you say babe?"

"I just... well.." she sighed and looked away unhappily, "nothing."

He instantly felt guilty, "Em I'm sorry. I'm listening, I promise, tell me again."

"Oh it's no use James," Emma sighed and stood abruptly. She gathered up her books and slipped her shoes back on.

"Where are you going?" James looked at her bewildered.

"I can't handle you like this," Emma said, "please just go talk to Lily."

"Em," He sighed and tried to reach for her, but she quickly side stepped his hand.

Her face was soft and understanding, "you need to go talk to her. Go. Or i'll kick your ass."

He grinned, "I don't deserve you, you know that?"

Emma half raised her shoulders as if saying, 'yeah, I know,' and left him sitting on the couch, completely at a loss at how to apologize to Lil. Lily was in her room. She had gotten back late last night, one of her tactics while avoiding him, and he hadn't seen her leave her room all morning. Their fight was about a week ago and he'd been successfully navigating the school without bumping into her, courtesy of the map.

Before he lost his nerve, James stood and made his way to her room. He knocked softly. There was no response for a moment before she said, "come in."

Her room was immaculate, a sign, he knew, that she was stressed, because she always cleaned and organized when she was.

"Hey Freckles," he murmured. He smiled involuntarily at the sight of her. She was in a pair of pajama shorts and an old tattered t-shirt. Her hair was in a messy bun atop her head with small red curls escaping and framing her face. She was on her bed, surrounded by quills, books and parchments. She looked over at James quietly. patiently. waiting.

"I," He cleared his throat that suddenly felt thick, "I might have over reacted the other day."

"Might have?" Lily shook her head annoyed. She chucked her half finished assignment aside and stood with her arms folded.

"Well how did you expect me to react? The way it looked..." he trailed off, feeling slightly awkward. He remembered her bloodshot eyes and sex crazy hair.

Lily sighed, "I don't know what you expect me to say here James... It aggravates me that you think I can't have alittle fun."

"You can have fun!" he said shocked, "just not.. that kind of fun. I care about you Lils, you know that. You're like my sister, not to mention my girlfriends bestmate. I have to look out for you."

Lily rolled her eyes, "I can look out for myself thank-you."

"I know that. I just don't want you getting drunk and sleeping around like some common bird."

"_You_ don't want me too? James you're not my keeper."

"Merlin," he rubbed his forehead, "this is coming out all wrong... What I'm trying to say is, you're a girl Lil!"

Lily's lips twitched and she couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her, "yes thank you James, I'm quite aware of that."

She watched curiously as his cheeks flushed, "What I mean is you're an attractive girl... Heck, all the perverted boys in this school know that and most of them would do anything to get into your knickers."

Lily laughed, "that is completely ridiculous." She felt her insides flutter and become warm when he said she was 'attractive.' It wasn't exactly him saying it to her, but she would take any compliments she could get. She did find it ridiculous that he thought allot of boys liked her. She wasn't very pretty in her opinion, quite average looking and she wasn't too much fun. Not one boy had asked her out for over a year now and she'd never been any sort of serious relationship... of-course, she thought offhandedly, that could be because Sirius and James had been scaring off all prospective boyfriends.

"I'm being serious," James shook his head incredulously at her, with her twinkilingly amused eyes and mouth drawn in a firm line to keep from laughing, she wasn't taking him seriously.

"Okay, well it doesn't matter. I never should have spoken to you like that anyway," he stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels nervously. He averted his eyes and found himself looking at her desk. There was a picture of him and her laughing and playing at the lake, along with a group photo of the marauders and her. He looked back up at her. She was just watching him quietly, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Thankyou," she murmured, "I'm sorry we fought. This whole thing has been ridiculous."

He exhaled in relief and felt an invisible weight being lifted off his shoulders. With a large goofy grin, he strode over and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself to him tightly, inhaling his woodsy scent.

"Merlin, I hate when we fight," James dropped her back onto her feet and gazed down into happy green orbs.

She flushed a bright red and tucked a piece of curling hair behind her ear, "me too."

He then proceeded to unceremoniously drop onto her bed.

"James!" Lily screeched and yanked her crumpled parchment from under his arm. She sighed and gave him a stern look when she saw that the paper was now completely wrinkled, "thanks for that you prat."

"You are very welcome Freckles," he grinned cheekily and patted the spot next to him, "we have alot of catching up to do. It has been almost a week."

"Oh dear!" Lily gasped as she started collecting her books into a pile and dumped them on the floor, "a whole week! How did you survive without me?" She giggled and sat next to him crossed legged.

"Well," he mused thoughtfully, "you weren't there to steal my breakfast, so that was a plus."

Lily laughed and swatted his arm, "whatever, you didn't copy off of my potions notes! It was such a relief."

"No problem, I have moony for notes too."

"oh haha, it's nice to know I'm so easily replaced Potter."

"Well all I had to do was give him a red wig and all was right in the world." He laughed, " 'course Sirius wanted to make him permanently red headed. I even think he wants to put dye in his shampoo or charm his hair while he's sleeping."

Lily snorted and shook her head, "Remus would look horrible as a red head. We better tell Sirius we're speaking again or he might go through with his little plan."

"Maybe we should just let him. That'd be amusing and Moony would probably turn him into a tea cup or something."

"Or we could do that," Lily giggled and flopped back against her pillows. She starred up at the ceiling. She had enchanted twinkling stars that always moved. She watched one glide gracefully about.

"Lils?"

"Hmmm?"

"Don't get mad. I'm just curious. What did happen the night of the party?"

Lily sighed and propped herself onto one arm. "Nothing really. We, Marlene and I, ended up playing strip poker with a bunch of people. I ended up with only my underwear on, but people got bored pretty quickly and started snogging all over the place. I went up to Marlene's and passed out. She came up with some bloke and did god knows what later.. that's about it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good."

"Honestly James, I'm not some slag. I just wanted a night to forget..." she trailed off and he looked at her curiously, "a few things." she finished. He wondered if she was worried about the muggle-born attacks that were becoming more and more frequent. He knew she put on a brave face, but inside she was frightened. He had an overwhelming urge to reach out and wrap her in his arms and never let go. He would never let something happen to her, she ought to now that. All this pure blood is better than everyone else bullshit was starting to drive him crazy. This lunacy just had to stop. He sighed and decided not to bring it up. It would probably only upset her further.

"Where's Emma?" Lily asked. Her voice sounded strained and he wondered again what could be bothering her.

"She was here earlier, but apparently I'm a foul git when we don't speak, because she threatened to kick my ass if we didn't' sort our shit out and then left."

"Oh that's wonderful!" Lily exclaimed, "Your girlfriend had to get you to come apologize. Very manly."

"Hey! I am manly."

Lily grinned, "I know that you and Sirius use my bath salts sometimes."

James tried to laugh her comment off, but she didn't miss the tinge of pink in his cheeks and his rapidly reddening ears, "you're bath salts smell nice and we get very stressed out."

"Oh yes, the hard life of a marauder. It's very stressful. Poor baby," Lily mocked.

James scowled, "It helps after quidditch. I'm team captain, that takes a toll on you yeah know! How would you like to get hit by bloody bats and balls and flying brooms all the time?"

Lily giggled and shook her head at how flustered he was, "it's alright Jamsie-Poo. Use as much of the bath salt as you want."

"I don't even use it that much," he grumbled.

"What was that?" Lily smirked.

"I said... Oh nevermind," he laughed, "you drive me crazy."

"Yes, yes," she waved her hand dismissively, "I'm annoying and all that. Speaking of quidditch-"

"we weren't really speaking about quidditch Lil."

"Well now I am. How's your new strategy coming along?"

"Fine I suppose, but McKinnon's been bloody distracted all week at practice. I don't know what's gotten into her." he paused and then remembered her saying something about Marlene, "did you say you and McKinnon played strip poker together?"

"Yup," she popped her p.

"First... hot," James gave a low whistle, "I bet Sirius would give his left hand to see that. Second, i didn't know you two were friends."

"We're not really. I never thought I'd get on with her, but we had allot of fun. We've been hanging out more this week."

"oh yeah?"

"hmmm," Lily hummed in agreement, "Doesn't Sirius have a thing for her?"

James chuckled dryly and rolled his eyes, "yes! It's pretty pathetic. He's been stalking her since fifth year."

"Oh? I didn't know he liked her that much?"

"Well he does. It gets pretty annoying actually. He talks about her allot."

"He told me you talk about Emma allot, so that's perfect," she sounded harsher than she had intended too, "You two are a couple of love sick fools."

"Emma's different and you know it. She's actually my girlfriend, not some bird I don't have the balls to even talk to."

"That's weird. Sirius has never been the shy type."

James shrugged, "I guess with her it's different. I've tried being supportive, but it's almost the end of school you know? If he's gonna make a move he better do it soon."

"Yeah..." Lily's voice was soft and far away all of a sudden, "You're right about that. I can't believe schools almost over."

His eyebrows pulled together with worry, "it is still the beginning of the year Lil. Don't worry."

"I know, I know. It's just... We're in our seventh year! I'm Head girl and you..." she snorted, "you're head boy."

"I take offense to that tone," he remarked but she continued, "and we're mates and you and Em are... Who would have thought our lives would be like this huh?" She took a breathe and continued rambling, "and all these attacks and Remus is going to be hard pressed to find a job out there with his.. condition! Hell, I probably won't find a job. No one will hire me and then I just don't even see the point in studying and doing all this school bullshit and it's all.. just so..." she took a deep breathe and began fiddling with her hair. She pulled it from it's bun and it came tumbling down in long thick waves.

"I don't want you worrying about all that," James murmured and pulled her close to him, "I'll take care of you."

Her eyes flashed with an indistinguishable emotion and he could see they were shining with tears. She kept them at bay and they didn't drop onto her porcelain cheeks.

"You have Emma James. I'm not your concern after school, you know that. Stop acting ridiculous." She pulled away from his arms, instantly missing his warmth and strength, but she stayed away. She had to start distancing herself from him. It was the only way. She had to be strong, stronger than she had ever been before.

He frowned, "Lily, Emma loves you. She understands. We all take care of each other."

"No," Lily shook her head, "no, I have to keep care of myself. I'll find work." Her eyes steeled with determination, "and I'm going to fight these damned death eaters until I die. I won't have them sneaking up on me and cutting my throat while I'm unprepared."

"Lily," His voice was harsh and angry, "stop talking like that. No one is killing you and you are not fighting anything."

"There you go telling me what to do again! You can't honestly expect me to stand idly and wait for them to come to me James. You can't expect that of me can you?"

He was quiet. His brow was creased and he messed his hair up even more. "No, of course not. I'll be fighting with you of course, I hate this as much as you do, but I hate the thought of you getting hurt even more."

Lily smiled and he thought she might actually cry for once, but she didn't. He couldn't recall a time she had ever cried in front of him. She was a force of unwavering strength. Emma cried almost every die about poor dead creatures, or houselves, or dying elderly.. she was a compassionate person who cried over anything sad, but Lily was fierce. He'd always known she was. Ever since first year when she'd called him out on his bullshit and dumped pumpkin juice on his head.. he'd known she was fierce.

"Well that was a delightfully depressing conversation," James chimed during an awkward silence, "you reckon we should go find the boys?"

"Yeah," Lily smiled. It was a strange sort of sad but beautiful smile that broke his heart. James extended his hand to help her up and she grabbed it unthinkingly.

"Remind me to kill Sirius and you later okay?"

"Sure Freckles, what'd we do now?" James put his arm lazily across her shoulder and they descended the stairs.

"Scared off boys who like me..."

James burst into roaring laughter.

:D Review with cherries on top? (:


	6. Meet Annabell Potter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I did, but sadly not ;)

Thanks for your reviews. They really make my day!

...

James watched Lily laugh at something Remus said. She tossed her head back, her mouth spread wide, showing her pearly white teeth. Her hair melted like lava over her shoulders. He had always loved her hair, even as young boy when he found her know it all attitude and mightier than thou looks annoying and despise-able. Sometimes, like in the mornings when she just woke up, it was more curly and wild and always looked lighter auburn. In the sun, by the lake or when she watched him at quidditch practice, you could see gold and blood red strands shining in the light. At night when they stayed up doing homework, heads stuff or playing games, her hair would look flatter and more tame. When she sat on the couch in their common room, reading intently and being so completely enraptured by the words that she wasn't aware he often watched her long lashes flutter and brush her rosy cheeks, or when he spent one afternoon counting the little freckles on her nose, she tied her hair up and in the light of the common room, James was sure it had purple strands and a few light strawberry blonde colors. It was pure fire when she was angry and beautiful and warm like the sun when she was happy.

He felt himself smile softly while watching how beautiful she was. Thinking of best friends made James look to his right and he watched with annoyance (and the smallest trace of amusement) as Sirius and Emma bickered about one of their usual things. They had never liked each other for some reason that James could not understand.

Their compartment just barely had enough room for the marauders, Emma and Lily. Lily had draped her legs over Peters lap and was leaning against Remus' shoulder. The three were talking happily about something or another- James wasn't sure what since he had been reading one of his latest quidditch weekly magazines. He'd had a subscription to the magazine since he was nine and he never missed an opportunity to read about his favorite players, recent quidditch games or new playing strategies.

The train speed past the world outside and James watched the grassy landscape dip and rise. They were passing a very green area covered with bright blue flowers. The flowers covered the tops of hills so thoroughly that his eyes found it hard to distinguish between flower and sky. Once in his life, James would have overlooked the beauty outside. He had ignored allot of things before Lily. Somehow, she'd changed him in ways no one else had ever been able too. When her eyes were sad it raked his body raw, leaving him bleeding and devastated. When she looked at him disapprovingly, or even worse, with disappointment, he could not bare it. She brought out the better James Potter. The braver and kinder James, who didn't bully senselessly or mock the weak. Looking back at the things he had done, he was ashamed. He had been an ignorant and childish boy. The best way he could explain it, was that she was a waterfall. A waterfall that had doused, scrubbed and invaded him and washed his blind eyes free so that he could see clearly.

"What are you thinking so intently about James?" Lily's voice was curious and his head jerked away from the window, which he had been unseeingly staring out of, and towards her. He smiled slowly and her eyes sparkled happily. She had been in a great mood today. James was grateful for it and very relieved. Lately, he saw her smiling less and when she did with him, it seemed forced sometimes, like she was trying so hard to assure him she was happy. He could see right through her though and each day brought more worry. She had purple circles under her eyes and they stood stark against her ghost white skin. The amount of food she ate was diminishing more every day and he could see the gradual toll it took on her body. The weight and energy loss. James had to bite his tongue to keep from shouting at her and shaking her frail form back to normal. He could kill Snape for breaking her heart so and he wanted to kill every death eater for making her worry for her life and every other life at risk. She looked, these days, lost and afraid. It was new territory for James. He had never had to fix Lily before, it had always been the other way around and now that it was his task, he felt smothered by the hopelessness of it. He didn't know how to make her feel better. He was trying everything he could.

At this moment, she was happy. She had forgotten what ever was making her so sad and the green eyes he adored were shining.

She was still staring expectantly at him and he told the truth, "I was thinking how amazing you are."

Her whole face flushed bright red and she looked away from his intense gaze.

"Don't say things like that James," she snapped and his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Sorry Lil, I-"

"Don't say sorry," Emma cut in. She sounded angry and all four marauders stared in shock at Emma. It was a rare thing to hear her angry at anyone, let alone Lily. She looked at none of them, her eyes cut straight to Lily. As he had expected, Lily looked back towards Emma unwavering and with an even more ferocious glare. He had been on the receiving end of that glare a few time and he didn't envy his girlfriend one bit. He was proud that she only wavered slightly, but kept steadfast with her mouth set in a hard line.

"You can't still be angry with me Em?" Lily said incredulously after a beat of silence. Sirius looked between the two girls bewildered. James had to agree with his mates feelings. He had never seen Emma and Lily fight before.

"Well you haven't apologized have you?" Emma's voice was icy.

''For what?" Lily cried, "having another friend? I'm sorry that you're jealous Emma but-"

"Jealous?" Emma scoffed. Her eyes were wide, "You have a mighty opinion of yourself don't you Lily and you say James is full of himself."

He furrowed his brows, wondering if now was the correct time to feel offended.

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and James registered that Peter was momentarily distracted and stared at her breasts. He shot his mate a hostile expression that went completely unnoticed, because the virgin was dazed with some inner fantasy.

"I would never be jealous of Marlene McKinnon anyway," Emma mumbled and fiddled with the fancy lace shirt she had worn to impress James' mother.

"I don't see why not," Sirius cut in, "she's incredibly good looking."

Emma froze and everyone was quiet. She stood slowly, her expression hard and marched straight out of their compartment. James allowed his teenage mind to admire how hot she looked in her skirt and heels. The door slammed shut with a thud.

Lily sighed loudly, "good job genius." She glared at Sirius and he looked at her with pleading eyes that most girls could not resist. Lily only rolled her eyes and turned back to lean against Remus' shoulder. She closed her eyes, "wake me when we arrive."

The boys exchanged glances that clearly said, 'we're in for an interesting Christmas hols aren't we?'

"I best go look for her," James ran his hand through his tangled hair before heading off to search for Emma.

The hall was mostly empty. He saw only a first year and a girl- a third year maybe- walking in opposite directions towards their various compartments. He saw one other person that made his search for Emma second priority. He dashed forward to catch her.

"Mckinnon," he called. Marlene jerked around and her eyes widened when she saw James approaching her. They rarely spoke outside of quidditch practice. She looked behind him and was obviously surprised to see him alone.

"Potter," she nodded her head in acknowledgement.

"I was wondering if I could have a word," he smiled charmingly. It was one of his fake smiles. They came so easily to him, he wondered sometimes if there was something wrong with him. How could someone feel so comfortable lying and pretending? He supposed it was a Potter trait, being a pureblood family that had to keep up appearances and be liked by everyone.

"O-Ofcourse," she stuttered and blinked quickly.

The compartment next to them was miraculously empty, so he opened the door for her and she entered without a word.

She turned and watched him expectantly.

"I'm not sure you should be friends with Lily," he said truthfully. Marlene's eyebrows rose in surprise, "oh? Does Evans know you're trying to destroy our new little friendship." She was smirking, probably imagining Lily's wrath unleashed on James if she found out.

"No," he said, "she doesn't."

"Well, sorry Potter. I quite like Evans and I'm curious to see where this goes. I don't have many girlfriends you see."

James rolled his eyes. "I wonder why," he said dryly.

Marlene's blushed a little. It was so different from Lily's beautiful pink against white blush he thought.

"In any case Mckinnon, your friendship isn't what's best for Lily. Her and Emma are fighting because of you and I don't need her to have any more stress than she needs at the moment."

"I don't know anything about your silly girlfriends problems with me," Marlene rolled her eyes, "and Lily's tougher than you give her credit for."

"She doesn't have to be tough about any thing. She's under my protection from Voldemort and-"

"Are you that thick?"

"What in merlins name are you talking about Mckinnon?"

She bit her overly plump lips. He knew she was attractive, Sirius never wasted a moment to remind him of it, but she had never held appeal to him. "I really shouldn't say anything... I did sort of promise Evans and..."

"Mckinnon..." his voice was dark with warning and he knew Lily would scold him, because he sounded like bully James. The one who used his power and influence to control people with fear.

Marlene sighed in defeat. She wasn't a short girl, but he was still towered a good foot and a half over her. He knew he could be menacing and sometimes it even surprised him how easily he could get people to do things for him.

"Tell me," he ordered.

The girl looked up at him. Her face was serious and he could see she was saying this against her better judgement, but she knew he would not give her an option. In a way that left no doubt of her sincerity, she said, "Evans has feelings for you."

"Excuse me?" he had been so shocked by the ludicrous words he didn't even realize he'd spoken until the words were out. His face was suddenly frozen in an expression between amazement and hilarity. He looked like he was about to either faint or burst out laughing.

"You heard me you idiot," Marlene snapped and he shook himself from his daze enough to glare at her. She blinked rapidly and looked back to the floor grudgingly. He had never had many un-Quidditch related conversations with Marlene and in those she always listened to him unfailingly. He realized now that she was quite a spitfire, probably a reason that her and Lily were suddenly becoming friends.

"That's... fuck. You can't go telling people those sorts of things Mckinnon!"

"And why not?"

"because it's a lie! It's the silliest- the most-" he spluttered and ruffled his hair at a loss for words.

Marlene watched him through her lashes with the curiosity of someone watching a science experiment. James shook his head to clear the fog.

"I"m sorry that I forced you to tell me that, even if it was a complete waste of time," he suddenly felt bad for intimidating her.

"You don't scare me Potter," she grumbled and he couldn't help but smirk a little.

"Of-course. Well let's forget this entire conversation. Have a good Christmas Mckinnon. Keep practicing that dive I showed you." He turned on his heel and left her standing in the compartment dumbly.

He walked quickly, his long legs carrying him down the long hall. His mind was suddenly flooded with thoughts overlapping each other. He couldn't see straight. The very idea- the thought- he tugged at his hair. Suddenly, his mind conjured up an image of her twirling body. She was dancing and looking slightly ridiculous. The memory was one of his favorites. It had been a boring day and Lily dug out something called a CD player. The muggle contraption had been a source of endless amusement for him and then she had proceeded to pull out flat donut looking things. They spent all day playing her favorite muggle music and sipping pumpkin juice and a weak batch of fire-whiskey James had left over from a party. He felt lost in the memory as he saw Lily stand suddenly and started dancing. Her hair was wavy and curled around her face. Her cheeks were tinged pink and made her little freckles stand out. She had started dancing and twirling in the way that only a tipsy Lily could and then she had made James dance with her and make a fool of himself in a way that only Lily could make him.

"James?" for a second he thought it was Lily, but then he realized the voice speaking to him was too dreamy and gentle to be her.

"James are you alright?" Emma was suddenly in front of him looking very worried. She pulled him down by the collar because she was far to short to reach him otherwise. Her hand felt his forehead anxiously. "You're sweating."

"It's not true is it?" he asked in a daze.

"James?" He focused on her scared face and suddenly felt snapped back to reality. He stood straight and wiped his head, which was indeed slick.

"I was- I was just looking for you Em."

"Oh- well you've found me," she laughed nervously, "come on, let's get back to the compartment. We should be arriving soon."

In some far part of his brain he was aware that he nodded his head and followed her, but he was still thinking furiously.

...

Remus had just woken her from her nap when they stopped. Sirius and Peter were cracking jokes like usual, Remus was quiet and stealing any opportunity to read his book, Emma was far to nervous about seeing James' parents again to talk and James would not look at her. He had a very far off distracted look on his face.

"stop biting your nails," Lily whispered groggily towards Emma, "Anna-bell hates unladylike hands." Emma's face turned even more white and she yanked her hands away from her teeth. The kids stepped off of the train and into the hustle and bustle of the statin. Students were rushing to greet people that they had missed.

"LILY!" Anna-bell Potter bypassed her son and rushed straight towards the still sleepy looking red head.

"Anna-bell," Lily smiled and hugged the woman just as fiercely back.

"You look much to skinny darling!" Anna-bell scowled and turned towards the boys. She kept one arm wrapped securely around Lily's shoulder and hugged her to her side.

"Hello darlings," she smiled.

"Well I see who your favorite child is Annie," Sirius sniffed theatrically and Anna-bell laughed. It was dignified and elegant, which fit the Mrs. Potter very well. "Well of course Lily's my favorite," Anna-bell said without shame and Sirius could only role his eyes. He kissed her on the cheek and she hugged him just as strongly as she had hugged Lily.

"James?" Anna-bell questioned when her son didn't come forward. He blinked and suddenly he was back to normal carefree James. He grinned lopsidedly and engulfed his mother with his lanky frame.

"Hey mum."

She held him particularly longer and when they broke apart her eyes were glistening. She hugged Peter and Remus next and then both boys bid farewell to them.

"Come visit mates," James called after them. They both grinned back as an answer, but then went to find their families.

"Well, it's just us then," Anna-bell beamed, "we'll have such a splendid Christmas all of us."

Emma coughed softly next to James and he looked down at her. She was looking at him angrily and he felt guilty instantly.

"Mum," he said and Anna-bell looked towards him. Her eyes were dark chocolate and the kindest eyes he had ever known. "You remember-"

"Emma," Anna-bell cut across him. She smiled politely at Emma. Lily felt bad for the Emma, she looked terrified under Anna-bells scrutinizing gaze. She couldn't remember how many times she had ordered Emma NOT to act nervous in front of Anna-bell. Something Mrs. Potter quite despised was fearful people. "Of-course I remember her James. We've met twice now haven't we?"

"Yes Mrs. Potter," Emma jerked her head up and down and her curls bobbed around cutely.

"I'm glad you'll be at the home this holiday. It'll give us time to get to know each other. James is quite smitten with you," her voice was cordial at best and Lily flinched for her best friend. James didn't notice. He was back in his head again, a far off look on his face and Lily looked at him with her forehead scrunched in confusion.

"Go get the trunks boys," Anna-bell ordered. She put her arm around Lily again and as the boys left to get their luggage, she said, "I love your shirt Lily dear."

Lily coughed awkwardly. She had on a very plain green T-shirt compared to Emma's perfectly picked out and dressed to impress clothes. Emma's face was very red and she wrapped her arms around herself uncomfortably.

"Where is Mr. Potter today?" Lily asked to change the subject.

"Richard had to work," Anna-bell replied, "he should be home for dinner tonight."

Lily secretly knew she was relieved Mr. Potter had not shown up at this moment. She didn't feel much like putting up with his nasty side glances. Where Mrs. Potter adored her like a daughter, he had never made a secret of his dislike towards her. James had gotten into a few rows with him about it, but he never wavered on his coldness. She had wondered endlessly was his problem with her could be. She knew he had no problems with muggle borns, for he advocated on behalf of their rights frequently,but she soon came to realize it was not only that she was a muggle born, but also that she had no name or money. Evans who? Anna-bell had come from another pure-blood family. She was rich and had many connections in the Wizarding world. Their union was a perfect society strategy. Lily was clearly not the girl Richard Potter had in mind for his son. She had often tried to assure Mr. Potter that nothing (even though she wished it were) was going on between James and her, but he stayed adamant in believing they were secretly seeing each other. LIly imagined he would be delighted to meet Emma.


	7. Awkwardness

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of these characters :)

Chapter 7: Awkwardness

Lily stirred her soup with Mrs. Potters expensive silver spoon. She winced as it knocked the side of the bowl. The sound was strangely loud in the awkward silence of the dining room. She looked up and once again tried to catch James' eyes, but he was determinedly not looking anywhere near her. Instead he had his focus trained on his napkin. Lily couldn't decide if he was putting on the facade of being deep in thought or if he really was. She sighed and went back to stirring her soup. She had been ravenous upon entering the grandeur that is the Potter Mansion, but now she felt she had lost her appetite.

"So Erica," Mrs. Potter smiled.

"Emma," Emma mumbled.

"Of course, I'm so sorry dear. Erica was his last girlfriend," Mrs. Potter's voice was deceptively sweet and Lily winced at the same time Emma did. Lily realized that James must truly be deep in thought, because he hadn't reacted at all to his mothers words. Poor Emma was tossed out to fend for herself and Lily felt her friend was struggling, like a bird caught in the claws of an eagle.

"How have your grades been this year?" Anna bell asked.

"Umm, alright I suppose," Emma mumbled and brought her hand up to nibble at her nails.

"hmmm," Anna-bell hummed and took a dainty sip of soup, "what does alright mean exactly?"

"Well..."

"Where is Mr. Potter hiding himself?" Lily cut in, unsure why she was helping Emma when she was being nothing but horrible to her lately. SIrius grumpily tore a piece of bread and slopped his soup onto it and then into his mouth. Lily felt a dry sense of humor at his sulking. He had been enjoying Emma's discomfort.

Anna-bell turned her attention to Lily, easily forgetting Emma. In response to the question she only shook her head, "Richard is quite busy with work."

James looked up, finally shaking himself from this strange stupor. His voice was sharp, "Work mother? Really?"

"Yes," Anna-bell remained her smiling charming self as she answered him.

"Bullshit," James shook his head furiously.

"James." Somehow Mrs. Potter could remain calm and smile while delivering in her voice a threat. It made her eerily frightening. The entire table was quiet, Lily swore Emma was cowering, but James only snorted and spooned some soup into his mouth.

"He should be here soon Lily," Anna-bell looked back at Lily as if James had not interrupted them, "I know he's looking forward to seeing you."

This time it was Lily who had to hold back her own snort and James finally looked at her. They caught eyes and they spoke an entire conversation in a second. His lip curled in the corner and Lily glared. He shook his head, his chest shaking with quiet laughter. Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. That he could find his fathers hatred of her such a joke was beyond her.

"Just as I am," Lily lied.

Two house-elves came to collect their soup bowls and bread. Another two, at least they looked like another two, Lily could never tell the difference between them, replaced that with dessert.

"I love Cheese Cake Mrs. Potter," Remus smiled.

"I know Remus," Mrs. Potter laughed, "you have been my son's best friend for many years."

Sirius coughed loudly.

"Something in your throat dear?" Mrs. Potter asked.

James laughed and shook his head at his mother.

"I'm James' best friend too!" Sirius whined to Lily quietly.

"Nope, I am," Lily declared in a hushed whisper.

Sirius glared at her, "Prongs is a marauder. That trumps your silly little friendship."

"Please, I'm far more important to him than you are," Lily joked.

Sirius scoffed, "you're comparing a pond to an ocean Evans. You've gone mental."

"We'll just have to ask him then won't we?" Lily dared.

"Fine- there's no way Prongs would ever- " The huge dining room doors opened magically, as they did when someone approached them, and Mr. Potter strode forward. He was an intimidating man. He was tall and handsome, an older version of James with a few differences. His skin was fairer, his hair more controlled and his expression was so serious that it transformed his face to looking almost nothing like James. They were exactly alike in appearance, but with the absence of James' crooked grin, glasses and scruffy hair Lily couldn't see much in common between the two men.

"Good Evening everyone," he said cordially. He kissed his wife on the cheek and sat at the head of the table.

"Father," James greeted him. Lily watched his guarded expression with an aching heart. She knew how much he hurt from their lack of relationship and all she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms and protect him from the pain. But she couldn't and James would never let her. "How was work?" Mr. Potter either ignored or did not notice the bitterness in his son's voice because he responded, "fine. I had some particularly difficult things to deal with today, but nothing I couldn't handle."

"Of course," Mrs. Potter smiled and James rolled his eyes at his mothers idiocy, "Betty." A house-elf popped in front of Mrs. Potter obediently. "Get Mr. Potter his meal please Betty."

Betty obliged happily in away only a house-elf can be happy to be ordered around. Lily couldn't understand the strange creatures. She had offered to free one once, but the poor thing had started wailing and screeching in despair. She didn't make that mistake again.

Mr. Potter made his way around the table, first greeting Sirius and then Remus.

"Ah, you must be Erica," Richard said.

"Emma," Emma said, this time more strongly than before. She was starting to get irritated.

"What happened to Erica?" Richard asked in confusion.

"I have no idea," Anna-bell responded.

Mr. Potter saw Lily and as expected his mouth turned down, "Ms. Evans, how are you?"

"Wonderful thank you Mr. Potter and yourself?" LIly sat tall in her chair, looking at him dead in the eyes.

"I can't complain," Mr. Potter said and that was all that the two said to each other the entire evening. Dinner concluded awkwardly and without much more incident. After bidding the Potters goodnight, the teens darted for their bedrooms as quickly as possible.

"Merlin that was awful," Sirius laughed.

"First dinners always the worst, " James shrugged. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked with his usual swagger. He looked at Emma, "Did you like them?"

"Did I like them?" Emma repeated blankly. "Are you fucking kidding me right now James?"

"Oh for fuck sakes, are you upset with me or something?"

"They didn't even remember my name! Erica! Merlin James and you said nothing! NOTHING!" Emma shrieked.

"Will you stop screaming," James sighed, "they can probably hear you."

"Good! They'll know what a horrible boyfriend you are!"

"You are being so bloody dramatic right now." "I am not." she huffed.

"Yes you are! I can't deal with this right now and..."

"YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THS? I'M A THIS NOW AM I?"

"That's not what I meant Em. I'm just tired and this is ridiculous."

"James-"

Lily, Remus and Sirius left the two arguing in the hall and headed for their rooms.

"Trouble in paradise."

"You don't have to sound so happy about it SIrius," Remus laughed.

"Eh," he shrugged, "I'm 120% for a break up in their future."

Remus sighed, "Padfoot, Prongs wouldn't like you talking about Emma like that and-" Lily was way too tired to deal with all this bullshit. She felt emotionally drained and left the two idiots to go to her room. She stripped into one of James' old Quidditch jerseys and then crawled into bed. She melted into the expensive mattress. Sleep kidnapped her from her thoughts and soon she was dreaming about hazel eyes and soft touches.

She woke with a jolt when she realized the hand on her hip wasn't in her dream. She opened her mouth to scream, but a rough hand quickly covered it.

"Shhh, it's just me." James laughed and LIly struggled out of his arms. She was breathing wildly and her heart was thundering so loudly she could hardly hear.

"Damn it James!" she shout whispered.

"So this is where my jerseys always disappear too?" James chuckled and fingered the collar of his jersey.

Lily brushed his hand away and was unashamed as she said, "Their comfortable."

"And look much better on you," James agreed and Lily's cheeks turned pink. He fell next to her on the bed and closed his eyes.

"Bad fight?"

"What?" "You and Em?"

"Oh... no, to be honest that's the last thing on my mind right now."

"Yeah? What are you thinking about?" "My parents," James sighed.

"About how you're dad hates me so much? Yes i agree that is a problem."

"He doesn't- well he does hate you," James laughed, "but it's just because he thinks we're fucking. He thinks you'll be popping out little red headed potters and that man is not meant to be a grandfather."

Lily saw an image of the most adorable little boy with James' playful grin and unruly hair. Her heart jolted with longing.

"Well that's ridiculous," she tried to sound unfazed, "First, we would never sleep together. Second, don't call it fucking. Third, I would have amazingly attractive children. He should want me to father your kids."

James chuckled and rubbed his face tiredly. He peered over at Lily, "How do you always make me feel better? I felt like shit. I couldn't sleep and I knew it was you I had to come see."

"Eh," Lily shrugged, squishing the butterflies in her stomach to death, "who knows. So why were you really upset about your parents?"

"Well, Dad's definitely sleeping around on mum, but the worst thing is that she's completely oblivious."

Lily lay there quietly, "Have they ever really loved each other James?"

"I guess when I was little. I mean you can't really marry someone if you don't love them right?"

They were quiet. Neither of them really believing that Mr. Potter and Mrs. Potter had ever loved each other.

"I bet it was an arranged marriage," James declared, "it wouldn't have been strange back then, especially for two pureblood families."

"That's horrible," Lily whispered and she unconsciously moved closer to him.

"My mom's psychotic and my dad's an asshole who never has fun, who else would have married them."

Lily bumped his shoulder, "that's a horrible thing to say."

"yeah I guess," James sighed. He opened his eyes and looked over at her. "You know what Marlene told me today?"

"Oh merlin, What?" Lily asked curiously.

"Well.. she said that..." he stopped and Lily couldn't read his face. She looked away for some reason feeling uncomfortable.

"nothing, forget it. It's just got me in this weird head space. It's fucking crazy anyway."

"Oookay, thanks for that completely useless bit of information. I'm going to sleep now if you're done bothering me."

James rolled his eyes and turned his back to her under the covers. "Don't steal the covers like you always do," Lily ordered. "Shut up Jersey stealer."

"shush," Lily giggled and she didn't remember when they stopped talking into the darkness but eventually they both fell asleep.


	8. Frustration

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

**This is just something I wrote really quickly. I'll be writing a longer chapter soon! School and work has been hectic so please forgive me and I hope you like this short chapter. (: **

**Nik**

FRUSTRATION

The book she's been searching for is up on the second shelf down from the top. With an aggravated huff, Lily rises to the tip of her tippy toes and extends her arm as far as it will go. The tips of her slim fingers barely brush the spine and she sighs. A warm body is suddenly behind her and Lily's breath catches dramatically. He bends down so that his lips kiss her ear and whispers, "I've got that Freckles." Without lifting his head, he plucks the book from the shelf and delivers it into her hands. Lily spins, her heart punching holes into her chest. "James," she gasps as dramatically as a wife welcoming home a long lost husband.

"Oh Lily," he breathes. He's so close and it's intoxicating. His smell and the warmth of his body set her head spinning.

"James, I love you," she says boldly. Without hesitation his lips slam into hers. She moans and their kissing so passionately her knees want to collapse. He grabs her waist and lifts her onto one of the library tables.

"James," she freezes and looks up at him, "we're in a library… someone could walk in and…"

He grins cockily and she's reminded of how arrogant he can be, "take some risks Lil." Without waiting for a response, he pulls her skirt up to reveal black lace panties. His rough fingers circle her silky thighs just too far from the spot she really wants touched. She bucks a little, but he holds her firmly down. Enticingly slow, he grabs one side of her underwear and she hears the fabric rip and everything in her tightens.

He circles her sensitive bud slowly and then slips one finger inside of her wetness, pumping slowly and then fast. He adds another finger and she moans and grabs the edges of the table. Her fingers trace down the lines of his chest towards his pants. She unbuttons them and reaches inside. She feels herself becoming more aroused wrapping her hand around his cock. He's hard and smooth and big. Slowly stroking him from base to tip, she occupies her mouth with pecking his neck. His resulting groan vibrates to her core. In one swift movement, he removes his fingers, raises her up and enters her. She wraps her legs around his waist and he captures her cry of ecstasy with a kiss. He starts to move within her and she feels herself losing control. She cries out, repeating his name as his thrusts come faster. She could feel the blissful release coming. It was so close—

"LILY!" the voice startles her awake and she sits straight up. A rush of cold morning air invades her burning skin. James is standing by the foot of her bed, a big goofy grin planted on his ever handsome face. "Having a nice dream there Evans?"

The crimson blush explodes all over her face and she chucks a pillow at his smirking head. She huffs in aggravation and drops her head back down.

"Yes I actually fucking was. Merlin, why do you always have to ruin everything James?"

"Awww, I'm sorry Lil. If you're sex dreams aren't satisfying you, might I suggest the actual thing?" his voice was so sarcastic that Lily throws her only remaining pillow at him, "go fuck yourself Potter."

"Someone's in a bad mood," he laughs a throaty morning sound. She throws her legs over the side of the bed and stomps towards the connecting bathroom.

"Someone interrupted a nice dream," she snaps.

"Aww I'm sorry Lily," he actually does sound a little bad and she stops to look at him. His innocent expression morphs into one of childish mischief, "do you need some help relieving tension? I'd be more than willing to offer up my services."

Rather than allow the heat of her anger to overcome her, Lily smiles sweetly, "thanks for the offer James. I think I'll take care of it myself though." She watches with satisfaction as the smile drops from his face and he stares at her. His mouth is hanging slightly open and his eyes are clouded over. She slams the bathroom door in victory and chuckles evilly. _Think about that Potter… _

**That's all**** A longer chapter soon! I PROMISE! **

**Nik**


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